More Than A Feeling

“What is love like?”

They’d covered all the important topics for the meeting, but they’d all stayed behind to finish the drinks and snacks. No one talked to each other at these points. But the atmosphere was good.

Love is…

“I loved Katze for years. She was beautiful. A gem. If she’d been less hardened by what happens, she could have truly been a star.

“Even when she was gone, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was truly lucky that she left behind such a beautiful daughter.”

Berg scowled at his words, but Burai paid him no mind. Berg never said anything much of Burai, but Burai spoke of him the way he did Ms Katze.

Being unable to give someone up. Chasing after them in any form. Clinging to your memories of them.

“The first time I fell in love, I chased him out of school. Every time I saw him, my chest tightened, and I felt like I was going to start stammering if he looked back at me. He looked up to me so much, it almost felt like he’d be disappointed if he saw what I was really feeling. That he could bring me down entirely. I told everyone he was a kaiju instead. That way I didn’t have to face it.

“He was my best friend. I don’t know what happened to him. I hoped that he’d join Orange eventually.”

Inspector Kobayashi stared into his coffee with a sad smile. They’d heard enough stories about this lost love, Berg seemed to be barely holding back from rolling his eyes.

Scary. Feeling something so intensely that it scares you, sometimes to the point that you try to destroy it entirely.

“I loved Shirou since we were children. He gave me a wedding ring and I kept it with me; I started wearing it as soon as it actually fit on my finger without sliding off. I used to dream about us meeting again and he’d…”

He trailed off, looking down at his hands and twisting the ring he always wore. His eyes hooded, yet not quite frowning.

“I realised we were never going to be together. I changed too much.

“But we met again recently. He threw a drink at me. I was so happy to see him, I couldn’t help but tease him into recognising me. I knew he’d be disgusted by me, but it still stung a little.

“I told myself I wouldn’t force anything. But Shirou, my Shirou,” he whispered the last two words, “couldn’t stay out of trouble. If I hadn’t been there, he might have died.

“Even if he isn’t going to love me, I can’t let anything happen to him. I want to protect him. Even if he falls in love with someone else and lives the life, we’d dreamed of with them. I want to make sure he gets his chance to be happy.”

If he was lying, it was to himself more than anyone else.

Wanting them to be happy. Even if it removes yourself from the equation.

“I can keep it going.”
“I became a kaiju for Shou-chan’s sake.”
“I want to take down Icarus for what he did to Shirou.”

Love is wanting to protect them more than anything.

Yomi stood in the Sayashi’s home, peeling potatoes, playing all their answers back.

“I love you.”

How many times had Juurou said those words to him now?

The more Yomi thought about their answers, the more he couldn’t bear to compare them to his feelings.

What did it matter? Why did he bother asking?

“Yomi?” Juurou came into the kitchen, Tarou pattering along behind him. His face the same neutral expression it ever was.

More than anything, Yomi wanted to press his face into Juurou’s chest. To bury himself in it until he stopped thinking. To let Juurou comfort him without asking what was wrong.

“I’m making stew for dinner.”

But that wasn’t the relationship they had.